Sunday, January 26, 2014
I miss writing. The kind of writing that involves more than the quick status update. I had every desire and intention to be more purposeful in writing daily...starting January 1st. Here it is 26 days in. Our foresight doesn't always match the future He has yet to unfold. In the past 26 days our oldest had an emergency appendectomy, my father lost his 3 year battle to leukemia and won his place in heaven, and our youngest had a febrile seizure. There were other major life events that I cannot even bring myself yet to type out. Mixed into all that still were the loads of dirty laundry, the many tummy's to feed and boo boos to be kissed, dirt to be swept and hearts to be held. I lay down my daily agenda to accept His. I lift up my goals and say, "You Choose Lord". May this year be filled searching for Him in everything and offering up my life and time to fulfill His purpose in me, our marriage, family and home.
Posted by Suzanne at 7:03 AM
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I just read a wonderful article on What Should Spiritual Leadership look like. I encourage you ladies to take it in. It, as well as some of the comments from others, echoed my heart. Allen works from 4am until 6 pm Monday thru Friday and sometimes Saturdays. We have 6 kiddos that we homeschool. Allen is a young Christian in his walk in comparison to the years I have in. At times, I get tempted to compare his walk and mine. I get tempted to compare his walk with other men. And all unhappiness comes from comparison. I tend to forget that at the time the words of Deuteronomy 6:7 were written, there wasn't a printing company on every corner and a bible in every hotel room drawer nor a devotional of 101 great family night devotionals to order from Amazon. But that there were men and women gathering to break bread together, and hear the word shared. It was at a time that the majority of children were home all day working along side their parents, passing down teaching and stories through life. Our Americanized and Christianized new standard ways sometimes blur our vision. My prayer is that I will woo my husband's heart as the Lord does by being gentle and not that constant dripping. So that as my husband grows I will not get in the Lord's way. So that God, if it's HIS will, will be the one to encourage Allen to want to teach and lead more. But for now, I too am being impressed upon. Impressed how generous Allen is. How he honors not only his, but my parents. How he strives to do what is right. How hard working he is. How protective he is of us. And directing the kids attention to those qualities. What we do speaks louder than what we say, is the old saying. Our pastor just pointed out last week that there is no such thing as a better christian. We are one or we aren't one. We all grow at different paces and in different areas. Thankfully my husband is a Christian and for this I have so much to be thankful for. I pray that I find more grace for Allen and watch for more opportunities to point our his life as it reflects the qualities that The Lord is overjoyed by rather than the areas he is still growing in. After all, that is what I hope for from him and HIM.
Posted by Suzanne at 7:20 AM
Monday, June 17, 2013
Maybe because I am my own worst enemy that I often feel a deep sting when I'm on the receiving end of condemnation in my parenting walk. And I have seen the damage it does. From the new mom still learning to the seasoned mom that felt she should have known better.
For the majority of us moms, we do all we can and are all we know to be. We belong to MOPS, MIT and other play groups. We had a collection of books from Raising up Boys to Managers of our Homes. Our days are filled with one decision after another that carosels around our kiddos. And we all lay down at the end of the day tired and replaying moments of our day that we wish weren't going down in the record book. We all have bad moments, make less than stellar choices, have meltdowns and wish we could push the "do-over" button. Let us offer as much grace to other moms as the Lord offers to us. He comforts us as we share our tears and dissapointments. Let us offer encouragement and a kind word to that mother that has the crying child in the grocery store or the one playing limp noodle so he cannot be picked up and carried to the car graciously.
We do not know all that the Lord plans for us. We might have some amazing kids. Today. But there are no guarantees. We may have some really challenging kids. Today. But the Lord is faithful to finish a good work. I have seen faithful families produce unfaithful children. Amazing children from the spawn hellion. And a mix of the good, bad and ugly all from one family.
When we are tempted to think we are doing something so right that others should glean from our wisdom and take notes, let us remember that satan tries to destroy some of us by way of increase (Matthew 13:22). And when we are tempted to think are so failing at this parenting thing and everyone else does it better, let us remember that satan tries to destroy some of us by way of decrease (Luke 13:16). If we've had a bad week, we need the encouragment and if we've had a great day, reach out to another mom that we know needs that overflow from you.
Do I have one very difficult child because it was a surprise to the Lord? No. He knew the very DNA to this little redheaded spitfire before I knew he existed. The Lord knew I had it in me even if that requires some growing on my part. Going thru the fire refines. The Lord also knew that I have it in me that if I had all compliant wonderful easy children, that I would probably go around gloating at my skills and asking if anyone wanted my autograph.
The next time we are tempted to judge and disgrace another momma, remember that she is just as tired, just as worn, just as desperate to make good choices for her brood as we are. We do not know all that goes on behind a single status update and behind closed doors.
Posted by Suzanne at 12:41 PM
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Once I started being completely transparent, I found freedom and deep friendships. And the weight, OH THE WEIGHT, that lifted. That was no longer there for ME to feel constantly defeated.
Our bookshelves are filled with enough trees instructing me how to manage my home, shepherd my kids, have a clean house daily, and a holy marriage. Of course I want our house to mimic Better Homes and Gardens. But the reality is, that is not my bent. Is housekeeping my gifting? Depends. Are you comparing me to what you see on Hoarders or in House Beautiful. Of course I want polite, sibling loving kids. The reality is my boys are those boys. The ones that came home today with a giant snake, have machetes, hunt, wrestle, smell like wet dogs and have to be told to change their stinkin underwear. The reality is, I struggle with attitudes in my kids. Of course I want to be meek and gentle, but the reality is I wished we lived in New Jersey because then I would blend in and just be considered loud and telling it how it is, not yelling. Of course I want my husband to be the spiritual leader and be called to teach classes at homeschool conventions on "how to support your wife in all she does". The reality is, my husband is a good man, loves God. Doesn't know Peter from Paul nor is he even remotely aware of where his bible was last located. So I continue to strive towards that imperfect progress.
After our 5th baby, we just wanted to be closer to family, bless their hearts, and my dad was diagnosed with leukemia around the same time. So that brought on the move. We moved away from a town we loved and friends we adored and a business that was going into it's eighth year. I had so many grand plans for the house, the life, the homeschool group we would create, making up time for all the years I had lost with siblings and their families. But the reality was, our 1st house option didn't work out, we lived with my parents in tight quarters almost a year until a home opened across the street. We moved back in to their house a year later to buy it as my dad is now too ill to work and my mom has a full time job caring for him. Even after raising her kids, she now is weary again. I was at my peak of all time weariness. 2 babies 11 months apart. One with a plethora of ear problems. I have no homeschool connections with friends of same aged kids. We have been forced to tear down what was once our identity formed by titles and appointments on the calendar and rebuild it on the rock in the wilderness. Baby steps towards progress.
We are gaining strength and stamina. Keeping our weakness to ourselves makes it stronger. Exposing our weakness, makes us stronger. We are brought thru the refining fires to make progress. We are brought thru struggles to reach out a hand and tell other moms, you can do this. Just one more step. Just one foot in front of the other. I have been there.
I love the new movement of exposing the not so super super moms. Admitting and embracing the weary mom that is all of us at different times. The years of giving, sacrificing, loving, living with our hearts on our sleeves, having kids that yell in the grocery when you finally make it after being out of bread for two days. Being sick and no one waiting on you hand and foot. Being a referee just one time to many. Trying to jump over the invisible goal bar that we set too high to even reach. All those things make a spirit tired. You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with being tired in this season of life. Focus on just this day, what are you going to do today to make strides towards your imperfect progress? We were created to need more and that more is Christ. As we are empty He is the one that can fill us, care for us, love us. He is holding out a hand to us and saying, just one more step, don't quit, I am here.
Posted by Suzanne at 3:02 PM
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
My dad has always always had a great sense of humor and has always loved Halloween. Yesterday we dressed up as Edna & Tracy Turnblad from the movie Hairspray. He had chemo this week so this was our afternoon outting. I dropped him off at the door and my the time I parked the Suburban and walked in, there was already a crowd of nurses and my dad was so pleased with putting smiles on everyone's faces.
To our surprise, it was such a hit that they called the local paper and they came out to interview him. I hope that we get another Halloween to celebrate again together. Cancer can be really ugly, but as scripture tells us in Proverbs 17:22, "A joyful heart is good medicine." And my dad is joyful.
Posted by Suzanne at 1:02 PM
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Come Lord Jesus! Am I the only one so exhausted at times that cries this plea out? Exhausted with the catastrophic world events, the injustices of the world, the disappointments, people? Some days, honestly dishes, laundry, sibling rivalry, finding those 4 beautiful-when-boughten-but-soon-became-forgotten peaches found molding in the bottom drawer of the frig and the effort it takes to convince the 5 year old to put on his swim trunks that he IS finishing swim lessons is enough for me to cry out this plea.
Posted by Suzanne at 5:53 AM
Monday, June 18, 2012
It has been a long time since I have written here. I have missed writing on a consistent basis and I have missed having a computer with Internet. Our goals and plans for this past year were not the same as His. We moved and didn't have a home right away an stayed with my gracious and hospitable parents. We added another sweet baby boy to the mix....while not having our own place. The kids are growing quickly, life is changing always.. I have to be careful to not try to recreate what I had before while trying to build a new life here at the sake of missing what is is that the Lord has for me now.
Posted by Suzanne at 3:55 AM