Do not fret

But oh how easy it is to say. I woke this morning still sick to the pit of my stomach over a situation that has arisen that is breaking my heart, putting my character on trial and hurting others. I do not understand why this has come upon my life, but it is here. So what now? I feel so void. If I have ever given the impression that just because I post what I'm learning when I'm reading through the Bible that it means I have perfected that area of my life, then forgive me. Most of the time I can post because I feel I have so far to go. I often go back and reread my own notes and think, "Did I write that? I don't remember writing that" or read something that I really needed to hear. I have long prayed that my words would glorify Him and that He would use me. That only He would be glorified. I pray for wisdom, but any wisdom I appear to have is only Him.

I read and study and share because I need Him and His grace so deeply in my life. I share all my shortcomings and failures openly as they will be brought to light someday none the less. I am my own worst judge and enemy.

As I mentioned, Psalms 57 would be my next Chapter to study through. This morning I didn't even want to study it. I thought I would come on here this morning and say that I planned to close my blog as while it has brought me great joy, and I only started it as a way to have a permanent location for my notes and thoughts, and for friends and family to occasionally peek in on us, I never thought anyone would care to read it. However, my words have recently brought pain to others. Maybe this is why Proverbs tells us that a man of many friends comes to ruin and that an incessant talker is a fool. Maybe this is why Titus tells us to not be busybodies and be keepers of the home.

So after many sleepless nights from prayer and confusion, add to that a baby with another ear infection, I sat down and opened my Bible this morning and read through the chapter, studied some commentaries and wrote my notes in my paper journal.

The very 1st verse starts with "Do not fret..." Is that what you Bible says? Probably not, because even though I have a bookmark in Psalms to save my place, it had fallen out and I read through, studied and read through Psalms 37. In my barely enough coffee in my body to start the day mode, and since I didn't pull out my list, had 37 in my mind for some reason. These were the first words I read. "Do not fret...." Maybe it wasn't just a pure mistake. Maybe it was in intentional leading. Isn't that what all of life is. Intentional by Him?

Lord forgive me for forgetting once again that you are bigger than any of my problems. Help me to give this completely over to you and obey you and not fret over this conflict.

And what Psalms 57 really says is "Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed." So that is where I'll be, to find rest.