On His Timing

I miss writing.  The kind of writing that involves more than the quick status update.  I had every desire and intention to be more purposeful in writing daily...starting January 1st.  Here it is 26 days in.  Our foresight doesn't always match the future He has yet to unfold.  In the past 26 days our oldest had an emergency appendectomy, my father lost his 3 year battle to leukemia and won his place in heaven, and our youngest had a febrile seizure.  There were other major life events that I cannot even bring myself yet to type out.  Mixed into all that still were the loads of dirty laundry, the many tummy's to feed and boo boos to be kissed, dirt to be swept and hearts to be held.  I lay down my daily agenda to accept His.  I lift up my goals and say, "You Choose Lord".  May this year be filled searching for Him in everything and offering up my life and time to fulfill His purpose in me, our marriage, family and home.

The Church or be church

One hundred religious persons knit into a unity by careful organizations do not constitute a church any more than eleven dead men make a football team. The first requisite is life, always ~~~Tozer~~~


I saw this quote recently. How true. How many of us are Sunday morning and Wednesday evening Christians, then the rest of the week behind closed doors our love for the Lord isn't enough to make us repent and live a consistent and fruitful life every day that will glorify Him. Would we openly act, speak or live the same way in our homes or with friends that we present ourselves as in the Church building? Christ said that WE christians are the church. Not just at certain times each week but always.

Lord increase my love for you so that I have no desire to live in any way but one that honors you. Let the life we live be one that others will desire to be around to know that fulfillment that only comes from knowing you. Let us be an example at all hours to those we don't even realize are watching. Help me remember today that I have a ministry when I'm loading the dishwasher and doing paperwork that I'm serving my family and how they see me react and speak to them will reflect You.

Welcome Home

Last year I posted about our financial downfall and I never thought that this would be the follow up I would be posting this year.

March 26, 2009, our home on Carl St. was sold back to the bank. I know that most people would not be impressed with this 100 year old home, but we loved it. The kids knew it as home and even though we saw the hand of God on us during that difficult time, we still ached every time we drove by. The kids still asked when we'd move home, getting upset that no one was taking care of the yard, feeling like they "lost a friend."

One Sunday I had a vision of a specific couple buying the house and renting to us, but that's not something you call and ask someone to do. Two days later, this same contractor called us and asked if we were interested in moving back home. A couple days after that, he called back and his offer was accepted on our home and he closes March 26th.

We had supper with them and we are doing a lease to own.

I am overwhelmed. Literally weak. I feel like this is a big deal and want it to be special in the way of announcement. I thought about sending out welcome home cards with our new address or have a open house BBQ and house blessing. I want to "speak of the glorious splendor of His majesty and wonderful works". God is a God that gives and takes away and is the God of restoration. He does things that are impossible for us to accomplish so that He will be glorified.

There are no coincidences so what do you call it when the house was suppose to sell 4 other times and hasn't and then 1 year to the date we get to move back in?

In addition, while we were living there previously we had a bad experience with the neighbor boy and he was no longer welcome to come over. A couple of weeks ago, a friend said he had moved. While it just seemed like information then, it seems like one more preparation for our return to be welcome and safe now.

As with any old house there are always projects to complete, but this time I'll be thankful to finish painting that room I was in the middle of, thankful for the yard work, and thankful to patch that floor. This will be the 1st time since we drove away that last time, that I won't feel like we are trespassing when we drive by.

I am just amazed. But neither would I give this year back. My husband has softened and his faith renewed. The kids got to see The church in action by way of the body of Christ. They also had a difficult and hurtful experience but got to see God be there at every turn and now will see Him do it again.

I think about the Israelites having their tent mindset and continuing the tradition of taking their families every year for a week to camp out to remind them that their homes are just temporal, we can live anywhere. And I kind of view this home we've been in this last year as just that.

We are still praying that if at anytime this is not the direction we are to travel, that the doors will shut. I know the other couple is praying about it as well. The bank has stated that they are not taking the house off the market until the final papers are signed as they are waiting for better offers to come along and have a right to back out at any time. We feel at peace and know that God is in the midst and in control.

I am overjoyed and feel so humble that He continues to love us in tangible ways.

Stretch Griffin

Did you ever have the Stretch Armstrong doll? The one you could pull the legs and arms and they would slowly go back to the right proportion? It was really kinda gross, but fascinating all the same.

I feel like I'm being stretched yet again. Hopefully never to return to my previous mold. This past 6 weeks alone have been life changing. What I thought I knew has been turned upside down.

I thought I knew about church until I started to study more on the New Testament church and what did Christ say and what He intended it to be.

Then I experienced it 1st hand.

I saw the Body of Christ cross every denomination to come together and reach out and help our family in ways I never deserved.

I saw friends move from being friends to being the tangible love of Christ. As they helped hold me up when I didn't have the strength to do it alone. "Better a neighbor close by than a brother far away."

While our own mistakes bring punishment, they can never be big enough to ruin God's plans for us. What satan meant for evil, God brought about good.

For the years I've been missing being away from family, however, I realized that I am not alone here.

I realized that our kids are stronger and have a better "tent mindset" than I do.

I realized that I had found too much security and identity in our home.

I thought I knew it best to give up writing because it took time, and just about anyone can write well. However, I realized I had lost the reason for why I started to journal. To have a written account of our lives to pass on to my kids. And most times I didn't even know all that I was thinking til I started pulling it out of me with words. And God pulled His words out of me when I've written devotionals. They are not of me. Yet at times I would be so prideful to forget that. I was excited to have people become "followers" of me, rather than to point others to become followers of HIM.

I thought I knew my limits and what I could carry, I found out that He loves me more than I realized and my flesh is so weak.

I realized that a pastor and mentor can be anyone gifted with that blessing. I realized that it's not always who we think it will be.

I realized that being humbled and finally asking for help allowed others to use their gifts. And that God sends the right people at the right time. In the past, my pride of being able to do it myself, or thinking that God would take care of me, caused me to deny the very gifts God was trying to send me. Of course it's easier to be on the giving end, but it is an ebb and flow. God doesn't always just drop something on our doorstep. It's not always that simple. Sometimes he prompts someone to be the giver and asks us if we trust HIM enough to accept and be humbled.

I realized that coming to that place of complete freedom and reliance on Him opens up a whole new level of where and what He can use us for.

I realized that black and white issues in the Bible are black and white for a reason. Not for us to find our spin on them to justify our disobedience.

I realized that once again we do not have control over much of anything.

I realized that God is stretching me in all kinds of ways that do not feel comfortable. I love my schedule, but it's become just a goal rather than our way of life.

I realized that there is no way to say thank you that will ever feel like enough for the gratitude of those who brought us meals, helped us get ready for the yard sale, packed up our house, loaded the trailers, helped us unpack, gifted us with bunkbeds, cleaned the old house top to bottom, brought me breakfast to make sure I remembered to eat, made me stop and sit down to rest, prayed with me and talked me through when I was so confused that I was being pounded with the devils lies, loaned us a vehicle, stayed with me so I wasn't alone, brought Makensie a birthday cake so her special day wasn't lost, made decisions for me so that I didn't have to, watched the kids, hugged on me, offered to help, those who stopped just to say they were thinking of us, those who called to give us a word of prophesy, those complete strangers that took time to give us a word of prophesy, prayed for us.

As small as it feels, thank you so much for everything you did. And it went far deeper than just the act itself.

Sometimes He Calms the Storm, Other Times He Calms His Child

A friend sent me a great article that I read this morning for devotions. This is exactly what I needed to be reminded of this very hour. Why is it so easy in times of pressure to be fearful? I often find myself at this very point. Thinking I'm strong and then when the storms come, not finding my calm in Christ until I or someone else seemingly slaps me as if saying, "Wake up woman!" God is in complete control. He is sovereign. Our mistakes are not big enough to ruin His end plans.
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Article:
When 20 years of countless prayers didn't fix it, I had to conclude either that God was ignoring me, or that I was asking for the wrong thing. Anxiety used to be my constant companion, and quite honestly he was no fun to hang with. He used to punch me in the pit of the stomach when I least expected it and his ravings kept me awake at night.

Every time a circumstance emerged that caused him to appear, I begged God to change it so I would not be anxious. Rarely, if ever, did he answer those prayers. Finally, I concluded that the circumstances were not the problem, but the anxiety itself was. My prayers changed. I stopped begging him to fix my circumstances and instead asked him to remove my anxiety. It only took a decade this time for me to realize these prayers weren't working any better and I grew incredibly frustrated at God's seeming indifference to my concerns.

I didn't know then that in God's heart my problem was not the circumstances that allowed my anxiety to emerge, nor even the anxiety itself. The problem God wanted to fix was the fact that I didn't trust him to work in my circumstances to accomplish his purpose. My desire to be in control of my own life and achieve the success I thought I needed to prove my worth to him, and ultimately to myself, was the real captor.

Anxiety was only the symptom of a deeper need that God wanted to expose and heal with a clearer revelation of who he is and what he wanted to do in me. Many of you have read the chronicle of that journey in these newsletters and in He Loves Me! The more he showed me how great he was and how much he loved me, the less often I met with anxiety. Even though my circumstances had not changed, my trust in him had. I have ended up not even wanting God to satisfy my agenda anymore, but just to let me live in his every day.

In my best wisdom I had been trying to get God to fix the wrong thing. Real freedom didn't lie in conforming my circumstances to my expectations or simply removing my anxious thoughts. He wanted to build a relationship with me that would set my heart at rest regardless of the circumstances that came my way. For thirty years I had sought a cheap substitute for the real fix.

No Accidents

So Wyatt had took a little fall last night and bit through his front lip. I didn't panic but almost passed out from all the blood on my baby and all over my shoulders. But before I got off the phone with the nurse he was dancing around the front room with Allen as if nothing had happened.

One of the books I'm slowly rereading is The Purpose Driven Life. I found 2 passages this morning in a chapter that hit home. One for a friend, one for me. Thought I'd share and maybe they are for someone else too.

Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing the exact time of your birth and death. The Bible says "You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book!"

God also panned where you'd be born and where you'd live for his purpose. God left no detail to chance. He planned it all for his purpose. "From one man he made every nation,...and determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live."

Nothing in your life is arbitrary. It's all for a purpose. God's purpose took into account human error and even sin. God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistakes. He has a reason for everything.

---Purpose Driven Life (Chapter 2)

Psalms 53

I need your help in raising awareness and funds.

I'm on a mission to prove that Santa Claus does not exist. I know that some kids out there think he does, and that is just silly. Why do they hold onto these pipe dreams? Don't they realize how insane they are? Them believing there is a Santa Claus, holding onto this hope, having fun thinking about him, wishing for special gifts and waiting to hear him return and come down the chimney is absurd. They are wasting their time and it affects me greatly. Their false sense of hope, love and joy? It is not healthy. Has anyone ever seen Santa Claus? I know they say a man really did live one time long ago that was a blessing to many, but that was just nice stories and he was nothing special. There is no such thing as a Santa Claus.

This is exactly why I must spend my time and energy from here on out trying to convey to the free world that there is no such thing. What kind of affect will this crazy belief of some have on my life it I just let them go on believing in something that doesn't exist? Of course some say they believe in him, but there life doesn't reflect the giving, joyful spirit that Santa Claus represents, so are those who proclaim to believe but do not live like they believe any different than me? No. They must be on my side too. At least I'm being honest. If I deny he exists, than that also frees me have ever having to get all merry and jiggly like a bowl full of jelly. Plus, what if I try to accept that he is real? What if I let this happy fat little fellow touch my heart and then I start spreading the cheer and have joy and live my entire life dedicated to trying to change others hearts to be merry and then it turns out it was all a lie when I die? I'll be a fool and will have wasted my whole life being cheerful and spreading kind words about a person that didn't even exist. Never mind that I'll be dead so what others think of me at that point really isn't relevant.

Why do I labor to disprove that something doesn't exist? Because I'm going to spend more time disproving this person than some of you spend trying to prove he does.