For All This Life is Temporary

I hadn't shared this publically as it was still very painful but as time has passed there is healing. I shared this yesterday and decided that even though this was a difficult failure for us, I pray that it will bring encouragment and wanted to share with you what God has done for us.
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In the last part of March this year our entire lives took a new direction. While it was the hardest thing we had ever faced as individuals, as a couple and as a family, it has been a blessing to see us all grow and see God so evident and real in our lives. We had been struggling financially the last year. Despite all, we still lost our home. We were still hoping to work things out with the mortgage company as we were awaiting paperwork. However, what we received was being served with an eviction notice at 7am Wednesday morning from the sheriff with a 10 day time frame. During that time our heads were spinning and satan was present. And as you know with financial strife comes marital strife. We almost lost our marriage and family all in one. The fear and lies crept in fast. While in our heads we knew that God was in control and loved us and had our best in mind, our weak flesh could not seem to grasp the peace in the midst of the storm. I had called our pastor 2 weeks prior to the sale date of the home asking for help in the way of just counseling and advice, at the end of my strenghth. Ending the phone conversation with hope that all he promised might be the answer. But he never came or follow up on us. This brought on questions as if our own pastor had forgotten about us, did God really knew what we were being faced with, had he forgotten us? Had we did something so wrong that He had turned his face against us? But God showed up with his work gloves on.

From about 2 hours after the sheriff showed up, through the days that followed, I was not alone. I sent out an email cry just in need of help to prepare for a yard sale and help with the kids. What came in return was more than we could have ever expected. Over 30 families came along side us over the next month. Friends, people we barely knew and complete strangers. A pastor we didn’t know stopped by just to pray with us. Ladies brought meals by with paper products, families came and took our children so that they didn’t have to be there and see me crying and packing up all our belongings.

The kids didn’t understand all the whys, they had not been prepared to be getting rid of ½ their things and beds, or to give up their home they had grown up in. Allen and I were so emotionally drained ourselves that it was difficult to even have the right answers for the kids. We didn’t even know where we were going for the 1st week. I didn't even know if I wanted to be moving with Allen anywhere. So the only answer we could give to these little confused faces was, "God will take care of us." Close friends stepped in during this time. They were able to just make decisions and run things while my head was faint. They would make me stop and eat and pray. They talked me through a lot and prayed with me when I couldn’t find any words or when I was off track spiritually. There were women there marking things for the sale and setting up. There were men and boys there helping set up tents for moving things. I personally packed very little and Allen had more than enough help moving. Our neighbors and friends cried with us. Friends donated items to the sale. Friends gifted us a piece of furniture as a new start. Another friend provided a cake for Makensie’s 9th birthday in the middle of all this. Another family brought us their van to borrow as we didn’t even have tags or insurance to drive the van for the past 2 months. Women showed up to clean the house from top to bottom when we were out.

We had our things moved to this new location. And it was a sickening feeling. On one hand so thankful that we had a home, so thankful that God provided a location quickly and one that had a bedroom big enough that we can have the office at home. But did we deserve a “nice” place? Did we deserve anything? No. But God’s grace had given us a new start. I didn’t want to even say I liked the house out of feeling we should be punishing ourselves for our loss. Had we failed others because our weakness? Psalms 69:6 “May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me…” kept running through my head. While it was hard to know it was all going to be OK during that week and a half, God didn’t leave our side the day we moved. While out to supper with my mom when she came to town, a stranger brought a word of prophesy to our table. Then an acquaintance called just minutes after a negative phone call, with a word of prophesy, saying that she was almost embarrassed to call as we weren’t close but felt she was suppose to share a word and story with us. One of financial loss and marital gain. The scripture she shared was that the battle was won and to look forward. “God wants you to know you are not alone.” She had no idea what we had just gone through when she called. Then a Wal-Mart gift card showed up in the mail with no name for $100.

A call came in during the midst of the move that our 2 & 6 year old’s lead test was very high. They wanted to do a vein draw. I put it off till after we were moved and when we did it was normal. Perhaps the 100 year old pipes and paint were the cause of so many illnesses before?

Not that we wanted to ask for more grace than we deserved, but we were driving a borrowed vehicle from friends at this time. We received some money for cleaning our home one last time. We bought tags and insurance for the vehicles, bought QuickBooks and paid some bills. Then the van wouldn’t start. At all. Just so you know, two years ago we bought this used van and while it has served us well most of the time, it also about 6 months in starting acting much like a cat. Starting when it wanted, going to sleep when it wanted, getting mad and overheating when it wanted. Although my father is a mechanic, our pet would never act up when we would take it in. And since it seemed to be an electrical issue it was next to impossible to figure out the cause unless it was hooked up to the reader. While nothing too serious ever happened I always drove in the right hand lane just in case she decided she needed to take a break. Sometimes she would quit and with a little coaxing by way of a couple of pounds on the dash with the chair leg we carried, she’d start back up and we’d go on. Sometimes she would need a couple days of vacation and then be ready to go again. If it was just me or other adults, so be it. But with 4 little ones, it was rather scary. After being stranded in the Chick Fil A parking lot til 10pm one night with all 4 kids, one being barely 6 months old and having no more bottles, we choose to never go to Fayetteville or out of town unless I knew Allen could come and help us if something happened.

So we started to pray for a reliable vehicle. We prayed Romans 13:8, that we could find a vehicle without going into debt. Allen called and there was a suburban in Springdale. 3 seats, rear air and they wanted $2000.00. But we didn’t have $2000.00 so we continued to pray. Then the guy said he would possibly take a trade in on the van. So we were getting closer, the van while not running well, still wasn’t that old. But even a $1000 difference was not attainable. As the next couple of weeks came, the panic that the suburban might be gone was tempting to go ahead and get it. The guy offered for Allen to work off the difference. Then early one Tuesday morning a call came in looking for Allen to come by and talk. A friend was here for our prayer meeting when Allen came home crying. I was so scared when I saw his tears as I’ve only seen them twice before. He handed over some money. As I started counting it there was $620.00. $620.00! Allen shared how this man had called him in and shared how our family had been on his heart. My friend asked if we had been praying for anything financial. Yes. The suburban. Allen called to ask if the guys mechanic would check it over as we just couldn’t get something that was going to need work. We got the word that all was ok with the vehicle. The guy even brought it to Siloam for us. And when he left, he decided he didn’t need the van. Then we were looking through the glove box and found a bill. The guy had the air conditioning fixed for us $788.00. It has been a tremendous blessing to be able to go to Aldi’s, the library, the Dr’s, the grocery store without that fear of if we’ll be walking home. I’m even taking some cake decorating classes in Springdale, something I’ve wanted to do for years in hopes of blessing my kids and possibly bringing in some extra income if that is God’s will. Every time I’ve went anywhere I can’t help but say a prayer of thanks for the men that made this happen and for God’s provision and love.

Since this loss, I have seen a growth and desire for the Lord soften my husband and seen his light shine brighter than ever as he too has seen the love of God pour out on our family. I have taken on the office position to help Allen out. While I had always resisted taking this on fully and only offering to do the paperwork, I’m thankful and honored to be working with him. This is the way it always should have been. I didn’t think I could handle more. To be schooling the kids and still have a toddler running around then to add answering the phones and scheduling the appointments, ordering and doing bookwork too. On paper it doesn’t work out at all, but God has given me strength and balance than I never knew possible. I remember someone saying once, there is only enough time in the day to accomplish all God has in store for you. I believe that God is pleased that Allen and I are working together when just a couple of months ago there was the possibility of us not even living together. We all have gained a “tent” mindset. We had placed our security in our home and rather than in the One who was providing it. This life is all temporal and the pruning was for our best to grow our character and faith.

It is all still very emotional and I still tear up each time I think of all that was given to us and how undeserving we truly are. We had always thought of our “church” as the one we attended on Sundays. But we saw the words of the Lord come to life as He wants the church to be.

Romans 12: 4-8
“Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these embers do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.”

Thank you. Thank you for blessing our family. By each of you following the promptings of the Lord on your heart, you ministered to our family in a way that has changed our lives.

When the Going Gets Good the Good Get Guilt

Outside of God, sin and the devils influence and hold on us is the greatest power in the world today.

One day this summer I was running errands and having a rather great day, listening to the local christian radio station, my kids were at VBS, I had just found an incredible deal on formula, life in my little Christian bubble was going pretty good. Then as I walked into WalMart walking out was a classmate of mine from high school. I no longer live even in the same state as where I grew up. But there he was with his wife and children. Come to find out, his parents had moved to this small town. This is the 2nd family I have known to move here from my home town. I wonder if it in some small way was to help keep me humble or for the devil to bring up my past.

At the time I 1st moved here there used to be a large billboard posted as you entered the city gates that read, "Where Jesus Is Lord". Now we do have some trouble here, but there is a lot of influence for God at every angle. It is a dry county, the streets except WalMart and fast food roll up at 6pm, there are more churches here per capita than anywhere else in the US. There is a huge homeschool community and most everyone I know is actively involved or at least has God in there top 3 most important things in their life, it is rare to have a conversation with someone when it doesn't somewhere turn to referencing the Bible. There is a Christian College here, and DaySpring Christian Cards plant is here in town. The City's slogan is "The City of Beauty and Progress". We still have movies in the park, craft festivals, farmers market, the community building is highly used. Boring? I would say fulfilling and peaceful.

But all this is not who I was when I moved here. I have a lot to be thankful about. I have known Christ all my life, but there was a season of about 10 years when I did my own thing. One time during that rebellious phase, I committed a sin, a rather embarrassing one for me and this guy that was staring at me in WalMart this summer knew about it. Now I knew many he had committed also, but that one sin, that was committed one time, just immediately surfaced and almost choked me. I wanted to blurt out, "Hi, how are you? I have changed! What is your wife's name? Cute kids." I didn't think once of his sins, but the devil had the perfect opportunity to throw in my face the fact that no matter the life I am living now, there is always that ugly past that was his.

I can honestly remember during those years thinking at times, "I know this is wrong, Lord forgive me, I won't do it again after this time" Before I had actually committed the sin. Thinking that once an act was over, I'd ask forgiveness and move on. The power of sin is not the sin itself, felt just in that moment, but what satan can build or destroy out of that sin. This is why we should run, flee from sin, this is why God provides us with an escape, because the devil can easily put us under the thumb of quilt and condemnation. We may commit the sin only once, yet we will have to live with that memory and that shadow of darkness for the rest of our lives.

I wonder if that is why some young Christians with rough pasts, sometimes don't make it. One of the most powerful ways the devil keeps his hands in our lives is through quilt. If the devil puts so much guilt in their lives when God is shining the light on their sins, that the condemnation feels so much worse after accepting God, that it is easier to accept the sin as something that is ok, that is truth, rather than turning from it. God does forgive and casts it far away once we have truly repented, but we as humans find that much harder to do.

After I ran into this guy, I have relived my stupidity many times, and each time I have had to remind myself, I'm forgiven, and literally tell the devil to leave me alone. The devil puts little thoughts in my head...Why would should you be leading a women's bible study? Why should you be in the Christian homeschool group? Why should you be speaking at the mom's group? Don't they all know you're not that great? What if they all find out your past?

I've heard it once said the God can even use an atheist to have His plans succeed. I'm sure God can continue to use me too. I wish I didn't have such a worn coat that I have to wear, but that is the consequences of my decisions. Those who have much to be forgiven for have much to be thankful for. The answer is God's grace. First he sheds light on our sins, because what we cannot see we cannot deal with. This gives us conviction, condemnation is from satan. Conviction gives us a desire for true repentance. Then He washes us clean. Once we repent of our sins, we can let Him have it. We can even have peace with the problems in our lives that have we are facing because of the sins we have committed.

When God's grace covers us, even if the process is painful, He is still big enough to handle the side effects of our decisions for His ultimate plan and our ultimate good.