Wednesday, January 27, 2010

She's Gonna Blow!

I'm reading this book right now...for the 3rd time. Let me just say, I was a much better mom before I had kids. I can remember all my wonderfully wise a.k.a. judgemental, thoughts of the other parents and all their obvious mistakes. I just knew I was going to be the funnest, wisest, most respected and loved mom. In 2000, not only was our 1st little one born, but so was a mom. All the reading and observing in the world doesn't prepare your heart for what you feel when you hold this precious being for the 1st time and you transition from being a woman to becoming a mom.

Nor did all the reading and observing prepare me for what I felt just 3 short years later when this precious completely dependant beautiful gift became this irritable, independent, destructive and back talking individual. Whoever coined the term terrible two's obviously hadn't made it to the trying three's.

I had no idea that trying to coerce a 3 year old to willingly sit down, stand up, come to, go away, open up, quit spitting, spit that out, take a bite, quit hitting, share, use the potty, not play in the toilet, unlock the bathroom door, take the medicine, lay down, use their words, be quiet, sit in the cart, not unload the cart or just let me help them would be frustrating on the nth degree.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. More than I ever thought possible. But there are times that I honestly think I might just black out from irritation. Almost every job I've ever had has dealt with some ridiculous individual and I thought I was a pretty patient person. Yet here is my flesh and blood standing less than 3 foot tall that I devote my days to, bringing me to the bring of insanity in zero to 60 flat.

Most times I am only frustrated on the inside, but then there are those moments I snap and say something cutting, am harsher than I should have been, or yell at rather than talk to. Letting those words or tones escape and enter their little ears to never be taken back. Hurting the hearts of these gifts from the Lord. These imperfect little creatures that if something happened to any of them, I think I would literally die from a broken heart. Why is it so easy for me to forget that and take tomorrow for granted? Why is it so hard for me to think it thru wisely when we are in the heat of things? Why is it so easy to forget that I'm an imperfect adult with many more years of experience, still failing daily and that I'm here to lead, love and walk along side them? Lord give me strengthen where I am weak, give me wisdom where I am ignorant, give me grace for them as you give it to me.

1 comment:

Tabbitha said...

Tis the struggle of so many of us. I love that Jesus is a healer. I remember in my first years of a becoming a parent, the Lord showed me a picture in my mind and spoke some truth to my heart through it. I saw deep rivets in the sand and then I saw Jesus walk over them and the hem of his garment smoothed out the rivets, leaving the sand seamless as He passed through. He told me that I would make painful rivets in my children's lives, but that He would be faithful to be the healer and finisher of all things. I'll never forget that. It's mercy, and it's only available to the guilty. I'm guilty!

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