Saturday, May 14, 2011

There is a Time and Season for Everything

After being self-employed for 6 years and going thru all the joys, frustrations, feasts and famine. Allen was physically and mentally worn down. He had a couple of job offers in Tulsa, OK and while I didn't say no, I, in my best non-outwardly-hormonal-just-had-a-5th-baby-hysterical are you crazy?-way, relayed that if we were going to be moving, I would prefer it not be to a large town in which we knew absolutely no one. Please. Honey.

We have tried to move closer to my family on a couple occasions however the doors have never opened and we had in turn all but given up on that as an option.

So 2 weeks ago we sent out a couple of applications to Kansas and within a weeks time Allen had 2 interviews and one offer. He agreed to take the job, although my heart ached to think of him taking a job that is not in line with his interest just to pay the bills. And it was a wonderful company and a good fit for many men.

He went to Kansas just 2 days ago to go thru orientation and a drug test. He had planned to leave to come home by noon. However, my sister asked to take Gabby shopping for the afternoon so Allen decided to stay there for the afternoon. Shortly after noon, the 2nd company he had interviewed with called and asked to meet him again, without even knowing he was in town that day. God is a God of the 11th hour. That 2nd company offered a long term vision in the line of work that Allen is versed in, with better hours for our family and better pay. So yesterday he accepted this opportunity and Monday he will be starting. It just so happened that Friday the transmission on his glass truck went out. Almost as if to stay, it is finished.

There are so many loose ends and of course the kids and I will be staying here until everything is ironed out.

The last two weeks have left me spinning. At our last months Healing the Daughters of Zion bible study, Tammy shared that God prunes out of our lives what is replacing Him in our hearts. Then one early morning I was feeding baby and having a little T.D. Jakes time and he talked on that same subject. Repeated messages made me wonder what God had in store for me.

You would think that I would be excited to move home and closer to my parents, who my dad was recently diagnosed with Leukemia, and my two sisters and brother and their families. To get to mend and build relationships with those I haven't had the chance to do so. For our kids to have a extended family close by. Not to mention the hope of having an actual date night compliments of grandma. But there was a pain.

I quickly discovered what the Lord was pruning me of….my comfort zone, my friends, my little homeschool supporting, Christian community. I felt an intense grieving. The verse a neighbor close by is better than a brother far away had become a way of life for us. Our friends and community had become our family. There is nothing wrong with that. However, I also realized that I had allowed my friends to replace the Lord as my priority in times of trouble. I would run to them sometimes before I had really spent some time in prayer about issues.

It was in my tears I had a vision of standing alone, naked before the Lord with only Him to clothe me with love. I had based a lot of my worth, my joy, my importance on the level of admiration I received from my friends. I found myself now being stripped away of my safety net. How could I possibly move somewhere that I may be seen as an outcast for being too religious? How could I move and start over, being a no one, having few friends? No large homeschool group with activities for the kids. The Lord will remove from our lives whatever is replacing him, if we will hand him the pruning sheers and trust that He knows the best design.

I am going to be placed in a position to quiet my soul and find my worth in HIM. I'm closing the door on one very wonderfully blessed season in my life and praying that as I move into this next season that it is God's perfect timing to use us to fulfill His plans for our family.


Shan said...

This is very shocking news and no doubt VERY bittersweet. It is so very true that HE plucks those things away that distract from Him but usually only if you have sort of asked him to. I am glad you are surrendering to God's will for your family and are leaning on His understanding. It is so hard to move away from comfort but I know that you will be a great witness there to the rest of your family.
Congratulations to you all!!! :)

metkos said...

Wow, Suzanne, what a powerful & timely message for me this am. So beautifully written...thanks for sharing that gift.

Natalie said...

Your husband has done a window and a windshield for me over the years (a link)I saw you were presenting at the daughters of Zion (another link). He just happened to put in my window the day his transmission went out ( another link) and I somehow navigated to your blog ( another link). Your insight into God pruning things out of your life that stand in your way of your relationship with God hit home for me in my own walk as I have started to walk out of a relationship that I have put before my relationship with God. I can only believe that God led me to your blog and your testimony because I needed to hear it and reflect and act on it in my own life. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing your journey. Pray many blessings along the way in your new adventure!

Natalie Suarez

Suzanne said...

Thank you all.

Natalie, I will be in prayer and agreement with you to follow the Lord's leading in this area. I love that we have so many connections show up between us and I appreciate you sharing with me. I love to see how the Lord touches people and just feel humbled whenever I get to be a part of that.

Last night at the HDoZ, I shared on the wounded heart and I'll post on that later. I feel like I need to tell you that you are valued in and of yourself and it is ok to let the Lord be your husband. That he is the most valuable, loving caring husband you can ask for. That there is a time coming for a fleshy husband as well. The He sees you as vulnerable and wants to comfort that and you to not lose your hope or to settle.

Blessed Momma said...

Suzanne, you KNOW I hate to see you leave, but I am thrilled for your family and Allen at the door opening and God providing at just the right time. Those of us w/larger than average families esp feel the financial burdens and so blessed to find work right now! Internet is SUCH a blessing!!!! Being connected w/other like minded moms yrs ago when I was housebound (a yr of no car) and not around any other homeschool moms and not able to go to field trips etc, I understand, but trust me, you are resourceful, friendly gal and you have the internet not to mention the LORD on your side. You will still grow and adapt and you will be surprised by what lays in store. Each time I've found godly wonderful neighbors who not only have been there for me but I"ve been able to do for them AND been so blessed w/new knowledge and grown and stretched in ways I didn't dream of. I see the same for you, my dear friend!! You are so right, God helps prepare us for change...ALL OF LIFE IS CHANGE and some of the best surprises have come from such changes when I least expected it!!! Know that your best cheerleaders/support system can be from those you meet around you and not from an actual "homeschool" group. My dear friend and neighbor now is actually the age of my dad and dotes on our dc like a grandma but we were instantly connected spiritually and found a kindred spirit in ea other. She has taught me much and we have both been there for each other. God is good and we both honestly do not know what we would have done these last few yrs w/o each other. At just the right time, God brought us together and He's blessed us ever since. She is so suppotive. So remember to think and look outside the box. You may not have a coop like you do now, but that does not mean you won't find support. She is so supportive of our lg family AND our homeschooling!! She didn't and only had 3, but LOVES babies, wanted more, but health reasons couldn't. :o) Blessings, my dear friend and know I will always be here online for you and always praying.

Soaring High said...

Oh Suzanne, I am excited for you and so sad at the same time. I have loved re-connecting these past few months. Thank you for being willing to share your life and heart with those of us around here. Families there will be so blessed to have you just as we have. On my trips to and from NE to see my family, I will just have to stop in and say hi! Blessings on you my friend.

LeAnne said...

You know how much I love you and will miss you terribly. I will just have to load up the kids and come visit from time to time. I know God has great things in store for you! Will be praying for you for strength, rest, reassurance, etc. Especially for the next few weeks.
Love you

Natalie said...

Suzanne -- Thank you for the kind, Godly words of encouragement. I am sorry I did not have a chance to meet you! You will truly be blessing to women where ever God takes you by the testimony of your walk of faith. I have great joy knowing God has great plans for me. He has been so faithful every step of the way and in ways I never imagined. I pray all goes smoothly as you venture forth on the next steps of your journey. Look forward to your next post. You are a city on a hill -- salt and light!!

Suzanne said...

Thank you Rebecca and Natalie.

Suzanne said...

Thank you Leanne and Melinda. It will be very difficult to leave you all.


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