God Time

Just as I was recently down and doubting my worth as a woman, God threw out the verses from Genesis 1:26 at me.

I went to a ladies Bible Study, and the verse that the speaker was sharing on was none other than this verse. There was also a parting CD for everyone, titled, "The Incredible Worth of a Woman." When I went forward for prayer, a woman with a gift of prophecy and prayer, spoke words over me cutting to the very core of my want and desire to feel before the Lord.

Monday morning in my email, a devotional on Genesis 1:26 conveniently arrived.

"The righteous cry, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles." Psalms 34:17. The Lord hears our hearts and listens when we cry out with mere groans.

The Lord wants us women to know that we hold value and that He loves us. It is satan that hates us women according to Genesis 3. Satan only brings adversity to those who are threatening his plan. Almost every time I have stepped out to lead, he meets me toe to toe. Whether it be from my own self doubts or other godly men or women who become his vessels of destruction. We are told to "count it all joy" when we are persecuted. What is the old saying, "no pain, no gain."?

I also had been doubting my abilities to minister to others. Who am I? Not a bible scholar by any means. Don't you have to have all sorts of degrees to know the bible? Or is this why the Lord gave us the Holy Spirit so that we may discern His word? How could the disciples possibly teach others in the land before the Bible could be found in the Dollar Tree and every hotel? How could they comprehend or teach when they themselves did not have a copy of the book? They had no formal training on all the interlinking scripture; or all the scripture that was yet to be even written. They spoke of the greatest commandments of all. To love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself. Do our lives mimic the heart of Christ? I know I have a long way to go.

Reading this morning about the balance between raising kids with academic excellency and Godly wisdom, I came across this passage that says it better than I can.

"But the Lord does not limit His call to only the well educated. He uses both the faithful and the unfaithful, the learned and the unlearned, to fulfill His purposes. A man or woman of faithfulness, regardless of educational background, may be called upon to stand out among the people and serve God." - Susan Card from "The Homeschool Journey"

The words of the Lord to Moses in Ex 4:10-12 covering his doubts in love and encouragement are still available to us today. "Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

This is my prayer that He will use me in what ever role He has for me, whenever He has it planned for me.

I am Woman, Hear Me...please.

I have a heart for women. I thought I had lost it, but had to come to terms with what I envision as my ministry quite honestly may never come to be. I have found myself this past year drained from the many responsibilities I hold as just a mom and wife. It has been a difficult year to sit by and willingly have to give up my hope to reach out and minister to women. A dream I have long had. A purpose I felt that I was on the road to fulfilling. I gained so much joy from being involved with activities where I was in the position to personally touch another ladies heart and life. I thought this was my calling, my destiny to follow. And maybe it will be someday.

And as much as I always want to put into other women, I so often find myself back at square one in my own heart. Asking that same question, am I really of worth to the Lord? Does He see me? Does He hear ME? Who am I?

The devotional book I decided to finally pick up and study, that was on the list 2 years ago thru our moms group, is about Homemaking. I honestly felt more exhausted and discouraged after the 1st chapter and study questions than when I started. It seemed to magnify my doubts. Yes, Genesis 1:26 tells us that we females were created in the image of God. But am I the only one who feels like an afterthought sometimes? God created man and then woman to complete the man? Maybe it's because I'm daughter to one and wife to another man who sees women this way. Maybe it is all my own insecurities. I want to be loved, desired and known by the Lord, but in my own failures and weaknesses and lack of who I want to be, what is left for Him to want me? My head knows the correct answers and my heart has experienced such a closeness to Him at times, it is difficult for me to be patient and wait during the seasons of His seemingly silence.

Where does the guilt and the doubts come from? It is the whisper of the enemy. Always. I know that the Lord knows how many hairs on on my head, but was it His desire for me to be or just that He knew my parents would choose children. How am I unique to show of Him image? What can I bring to this world that 7 billion other people do not? I guess that is what is the heart of a lot of women, the desire to be wanted, to be needed and to feel special.

I had to step back and understand that my ministries to women, starts in my own home. How can I give to others what I have not 1st given to the 2 most important ladies in my life? How can I share with them the importance of their lives and the deep love the Lord has for them, when I doubt my own? What if all I am ever called to be is a mom and wife? Will that be enough? Would I not be so pleased if that were the roles my girls fulfilled? There is a book that was recommended that is next on my list. "When all you ever wanted, isn't enough."

I am a reader, possibly the world's slowest reader, but a reader all the same. God is always perfect in His timing. Whispering to me the truth thru friends, songs, His word and the words of others. In the Homeschool book I'm reading (still) this very week I read the passage she wrote of the same reference in Genesis 1:26. She asks the question, If so many individuals are created in the image of God, from the beginning of time until now, it just goes to show how vast and complex our God is. "Because we are all created to bear God's image in a unique manner, there is so much that we can learn from one another.

And another confirmation in perfect timing. I picked up a book, "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge at a yard sale, who knows how long ago, and lately have been recommended it several times. I started it this weekend. I'll give you one guess as to what the 1st chapter delves into? Of course, being the image of God, as a woman. If as women we are designed to have a heart filled with love, nurturing, grace, softness and all the qualities that women behold, then this is part of our God as well. Just as in the Old Testament God was bold and firm and strict and full of laws 1st, then came the covenant of Grace. So He created male and female, both in His own image.

A quote out of this book that jumped out at me, "I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women."

So I've come full circle from living the shame and wanting more, to having a heart for women who share the shame to know more, but not sharing because I wear the same badge.

Oh Lord, who am I as you see me? Open my heart and eyes and mouth at the perfect time. Help me to raise godly young women who know their worth in you. May I fulfill the role you have for me. Convict me to be more if that is your desire, comfort me to in rest and contentment in the role that I'm already living today.

Prosper

Deuteronomy 30

This is a very encouraging passage. Like a breathe of fresh air following chapters full of laws and direction. Our God is a God of order, and at the same time that he is certain about passing judgement on for our transgressions, he speaks of the grace, love and compassion He has for us and how we can live in that love when we repent and come back to Him.

My favorite verses are 9-11. Not only do we have the promise that He will prosper us if we obey His commandments, and love Him with all our heart and soul, but He knows we doubt if we are capable of doing and just as any loving parent, He gives us a boost of confidence that we can indeed do this.

When we look up the word "prosper" (or plenteous in the KJV) as was used in this verse in the Strong's concordance, we find that it means just that. To have more than enough. In life, this is what the majority of us are working for, not to have to struggle week to week, but to have more than enough. And don't you think God wants that for His people? To show favor on His people? So that we believers can bless others with our more than enough? So why is it that when we have a promise before us on how to fulfill that, that we often times do not want to follow the formula but do our own thing?

Lord, open our eyes to be convicted in the areas our of lives that we have not given fully to you. Touch our hearts to know where we are not loving you with all our heart and soul. What am I afraid of losing by doing so? For thru obeying you I have only to gain. Lord woe my heart so that I lose all fear of following you unconditionally and completely.

God Smacks

God Smacks is what we call it when someone does something they shouldn't have and appears to get away with it, only it ends up having a negative outcome in the end. Some would call this karma. Some God Smacks this week:

*Made a cake and butter cream frosting. Left the room and explicit instructions for no one to taste the frosting. Come by to find someone had taken a finger full of what they thought was white frosting in a little bowl on the counter. I'm sure they were surprised to taste Crisco.

*Every time I make Chicken Enchiladas I hear, "They are really good, but not as good as Aunt Gina's". So tonight I added her secret touch of running the chicken thru the blender. We do smoothies often, so at the sound of the blender, kids came running begging for just a spoonful. When I turned my back, Wyatt had taken off with the entire bowl of chicken filling with green chilies. I'm guessing definitely not the smoothie he was hoping for.

Thank you Lord for keeping my back with these kiddos.

The Covenant with Grace

The Old Testament is difficult to read simply just understand for me. There are so many laws and covenants referenced back and forth that it really does take me some digging to follow. I enjoy history, but dates escape me. This past week I started digging deeper into Deuteronomy 29 & 30. And am pleased that I did. Most of the Old Testament is in preparation for the Messiah and it is so amazing to put little bits and pieces together and see it forming what we already know of the story coming in the Gospels.

The very 1st verse of this chapter reads almost as in a foreign language. What we need to know is that this new covenant was to include not only the children of Israel, but as we see later in the chapter, to include the stranger, the Gentile, as well. This covenant was also different in content as that it not only included the renewal of the covenant made almost 40 years prior, but along side this came promises of grace, which had not been made before. Giving room for repenting and returning hearts echoing the times of the future Messiah.

What was the previous Sinai Covenant? See HERE
Key Elements of the Sinai Covenant? See HERE
What was the main weakness of the Sinai Covenant? See HERE
How can we obey God's commandments? See HERE

We find the grace God bestowed in this renewed covenant in Deut 30:1-3-
1AND WHEN all these things have come upon you, the blessings and the curses which I have set before you, and you shall call them to mind among all the nations where the Lord your God has driven you,
2And shall return to the Lord your God and obey His voice according to all that I command you today, you and your children, with all your [mind and] heart and with all your being,
3Then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion upon you and will gather you again from all the nations where He has scattered you.

And then we find the New Covenant of the Messiah: See HERE


Thank you Lord that you have made way for each of your children to find grace and restoration and a desire to repent and turn to you thru the Holy Spirit you have gifted to us. Lord give me ears that hear your every word and a heart that is quick to obey your voice and laws. Renew me Lord to love you with all my heart and all my soul so that I can glorify you in my life.

A Month of Sayings In Our House

Quotes from Brian:

As he was trimming the bushes "If I can just get a couple cups of coffee and a flashlight I could do this all night!"

As Allen was leaving for work, Brian rushed out after him and yelled, "DAD! Whatever you do today, don't feed any squirrels caffeine!"

"I wish we had a flat top roof. That way I could have meetings. Business Meetings and talk about starting new businesses. That and ride my bike up there. Of course I think I could ride my bike up there now. Can I?" (For those who don't know...we have a 2 story with a steep roof.)

At supper Allen asked, "Brian, do you not like your bread son?" He answered, "I do. I'm just sculpting it into a snail's shell."

"There are lots of names for nuts, huh?" Yes. Name some. (As he did, I realized we were thinking of two different kinds of "nuts".)
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Quotes from Gabby:


"Mom, can I use the chainsaw?" What for? "To build a deck."

"I can remember when McDonald's used to be a drive thru only restaurant." Me: It's always been an eat in place, we were just a drive thru family when you were all little. :) Surprise!

"Wish we could go to Grandma's for snack time. She has REAL snacks. The kind you buy. Not just fruit."

"Mom, this is how I want my headstone when I die..." What are you planning to do today Gabby?

"How come when I shake really hard I can't feel my uvula move?" Me: What did you say?! Then I had to look up what exactly was an uvula.
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Quotes from Makensie:

"We are pretending to be a wealthy family. Kinda like us in real life." (For those who don't know...we are NOT wealthy.)

A Month In Our House

What happened to the rest of the Parmesan Cheese (or Farmer John Cheese as my kids call it):

Nature Study assignment: Gather something outside to study.....

They gathered a bird. This is actually the 3rd one they caught.

Our new little kitten, Friday.

Gabby's early birthday present of Project Runway Design Gallery, which she is loving. Right up her alley....but hopefully she chooses not to wear the clothes she is designing.

17 pairs of underwear on the boy, 17 pairs of underwear.....

Graduation Cakes

Ballet Performance

Honey I shrunk the kids:

Our new tenement on wheels:

Beautiful! And as you can see under the cabinets right above Wyatt's head is the 8 track player that still works and we even acquired an entire collection of 8 track tapes.

"Now don't go gettin attached, cuz we'll be takin it with us when we leave here next month."

- Cousin Eddy

Cookies for a soldier coming home:

Catch of the Day:

Summertime with friends:

My precious niece on the Merry Go Round....I didn't know if it was ever going to stop:)

Early Impromptu Birthday Party at Grandma's:

Brian's 1st plane ride:

Safely on the Ground again in his cowboy boots, with Grandpa John and Aunt Gina: