Friday, August 17, 2007

Shatterd Dreams

As Allen and I were driving to a family reunion last fall, I was still largely pregnant and highly emotional. I just needed some words of reassurance of his undying love for me. So I thought I would help him along and by asking him, "What do you love about me?" He smiled and quietly pondered for a moment then answered, "You are a really good cook." That warm fuzzy feeling that I was looking forward to inside turned empty. I just sat staring at him. WHAT?! I'm a good cook? Oh how romantic! But remember one of my previous posts in December with his RCD problem. I just smiled graciously and turned and stared out the window and let the pity party of tears stream down my face. I just watched as the flat lands passed beside us, wondering if he ever missed that incredibly tender and thoughtfully romantic man he used to be as much as I did.

Then on the radio came an old song that I hadn't heard in years and had never paid much attention to the words:

So much for your promises, They died the day you let me go.
Caught up in a web of lies, But it was just too late to know
I thought it was you, Who would stand by my side
And now you've given me, given me
Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams
Feel like I could run away, run away,
From this empty heart, You said you'd die for me
Woke up to reality,And found the future not so bright
I dreamt the impossible,That maybe things could work out right
I thought it was you,Who would do me no wrong
And now you've given me, given me
Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams
Feel like I could run away, run away
From this empty heart
You've given me, given me
Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams
Feel like I could run away, run away
From this empty heart
From this empty heart
I thought it was youWho said they'd die for love
And now you've given me, given me
Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams
Feel like I could run away, run away
From this empty heart
You've given me, given me
Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams
Feel like I could run away, run away
From this empty heart, oh no no no
You said you'd die for me
Oh, oh, die for me
So much for your promises
So much for your promises

Not an all time favorite or greatest song ever writen, but I wondered if the writer was feeling what I was feeling as he wrote it. After a good 5 minute cryfest. I felt so much better. I knew in my heart that the only one who I could truely ever count on keeping their promises and that had already died for me was the only ONE that I need look to for the fulfillment of my empty heart. I turned to look at him and smile, as he had no idea I was even crying, he was still basking in pride over his answer to me. I watched as he spit into his bottle. Yes, he's a country boy, chewing tobacco and all. I love Allen, his RCD and all.

2 comments:

Indiana Amy said...

Oh men, they know all the right things to say, don't they? :)

WendyJanelle said...

I'm sure mine would have said a similar thing... or commented on a favorite body part, rather than a character trait. Guys are just that way...

Still, it makes me feel sad that you were so sad. And you thought it through and covered those tears. That's better than I do. Good job.

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