Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Hi, I'm Suzanne and I'm a AMCaholic.

What can I say? It's true. I usually look forward to my next fix. I watch the clock to get the kids fed so that by noon they will get to enjoy some outside playtime on the trampoline. And I can enjoy my little dark secret. I fix my lunch, grab my drink and once they are outside sneak into the front room. I find ways to justify it..."I'm eating lunch", "I'm just taking a little break", "I'm picking up the front room", "I'm clipping my coupons", "If it were a Prime time show, everyone would watch this". After all it really isn't my fault. My mom passed this disease onto me. Each day she would sew and the sewing machine was in the front room. As most of us with addictions, it isn't my fault, I place the blame on my mom. Often times my own kids have walked in on me to see their mom taking part in this. They even know the names of all some of them. I know I have a problem, but I'm not willing to give it up. If you took me for treatment I might go through the withdrawals, say everything they want to hear me to say and then take another hit the day I got home.

Wyatt fused during the night so I got up and made him a bottle then went in to get him and he was asleep again already. I decided to give him a couple of minutes to make sure he wasn't playing possum with me to just check back into my warm bed to have to get up again. So I checked my email. This was the email from a friend of mine. One of those friends that can be is on my list of intimating people with always a clean house and kids that mind:

"I just read that (101 things about me) on your blog. That was quite funny... so many things I never knew... that would explain why Gabby once told me a story that began with, "I was watching 'All My Children' and ....."

I knew I should have taken that off my list! I tossed and turned thinking how I could explain myself.

I don't get to watch All My Children everyday, although I would. I usually don't watch the entire 1 hour show which actually consists of about 30 minutes of advertising. I have been able to wean myself down to watching the 1st half and calling it good. I no longer schedule errands to make sure I'm home by noon. I also have stopped calling Allen to update him on Kendall, Josh or Ryan, after he got a little mad when I called him upset because Greenley left town. I still do get excited when I see one of my longtime friends, (yes I feel a special bond to these folks after all we have a lot in common...wealth, nannies, glamour, parties, the list goes on), on other shows. In fact, I'm sure I will be catching some of the Dancing with the Stars this season as Ryan (Cameron Mathison) will be one of the dancers, even though I previously thought the show was...well, just was not for me.

I looked up the stinkin 12 Steps to see if I could or was ready to move into a recovery phase:

The Twelve Steps
1. Admit we are powerless over All My Children—that our lives had become unmanageable. (I don't know about unmanageable, that's a little strong don't you think?!)

2. Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. (Check)

3. Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. (Check)

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. (I'm not feeling very comfortable with the way this is heading.

5. Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. (This is a lengthy process)

6. We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. (I think that of all my defects, that there are some quite a bit more sever that I'll need to specifically focus on before I get to this addiction)

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. (I do daily. However, He said that He made me the way I am and loves me for who I am and if it wasn't for Allen pointing out some of them, I'd think I'm pretty great. j/k)

8. Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. (So far I don't think I've harmed anyone by watching, but if I have let me know and I'll apologize).

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (Well, yeah that makes good sense)

10 Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. (note taken)

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out. (once again, this one is hitting a little too close for comfort and I'm just going to have to pretend now that I didn't read it, then be mad later when I try to watch my show that I'm feeling convicted!)

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to AMCoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (And failed)

3 comments:

WendyJanelle said...

My hubby admitted tonight that those people are like family. He said that the same poeple have been on there for YEARS and that his mom actually named one of his sisters after a soap actress. See what I married into?? ;-)

Jerri Dalrymple said...

I'm a GH girl myself...SOAP net was great for a while, b/c I could catch it at 9pm...then we got Tivo! I used to watch all 3 when my kiddos were babies (12 years ago). I think my husband gets more into them than I do!!! At least, he used to when he was home at that time of day. :)

Indiana Amy said...

You are too much!

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