Momma, Trauma and Drama

I miss my computer most of the day. Our office is on the south end of the house by 3 windows and most of the day during the winter months the glare from the sun, even through the curtains, is too much to see much of anything on the monitor. I was so humbled and felt very blessed when I checked email to find so many little "love notes" from friends for my Birthday yesterday. It was much appreciated and I'm so blessed to have a life full of caring people. I received many phone calls and I am truely humbled. I pray that I am a good friend in return.

Yesterday was full, we haven't started school back up yet, as the week after Christmas still feels like we need time to play and enjoy each other and life (and the new toys). Plus yesterday was my birthday, today is New Year's Eve, there are appetizers to be made so we can stay up late for the ball to drop, and tomorrow is our 10 year anniversary.

Yesterday morning I was looking through the tv channels and found the Wiggles. Wyatt loves the one video we have of them. It's the same one we've had since Makensie was a baby. Makensie says, "Wow, I thought the Wiggles would have been dead by now." I pointed out that, "I was alive with their 1st video and I'm not dead yet." Then she tried to explain it off, "I know, it's just that they look so young, like exactly the same, they must have had plastic surgery." Thank you Makensie. :)

We no longer have our precious Scout aka Sweetheart. (For those of you who do not know...Sweetheart was a 200+lb pot bellied pig that we inherited when we bought this house...in the middle of town...with no fence...or pen. She just wondered around the yard.)

Several months back we noticed she was getting a little more grumpy than her usual self, and with a toddler wanting to run outside, and me wanting my laundry line back, we passed her on to another family. It was harder than I thought to watch her leave...and louder as she was pretty ticked off about having to be loaded into a trailer. So to replace the void in our hearts we adopted a hamster from my nephew. Her name is Jennifer. So we went from an hugely obese blind pig to a small gimped hamster. Jennifer had an accident and broke her leg before we got her. She was actually in a cast till she ate through it and her leg never healed properly so one of her back legs just drags along. It's quite sad, but it hasn't slowed her down from escaping from the cage half a dozen times. She and I have a understanding now that if she escapes again and runs under my bed at night that she will be sleeping with the fishes. SOOOOoooo....long story even longer....I heard Brian screaming that terrible "I'm really hurt" scream, and went running to find him holding his hand covered in blood. Brian as boyish as he is, does not do blood. He couldn't even quit screaming long enough to tell me what happened or where he was hurt. I'm rushing him into the kitchen to rinse him off and get the red rag. (a red wash cloth for accidents so no one sees the blood is a great thing). Jennifer had bit him good. While only on the tip of the finger and it was all still there, but deep enough to make a mess. After Brian calmed down and quit sweating and the possibility of him passing out was gone. We found out the he was holding Jennifer and Wyatt decided it was his turn and I'm sure as Jennifer's life was being squeezed before her eyes she acted in self defense.

And the drama? Me still not learning to be happy and content and zone off in my numbness when my feelings are hurt vs trying to share them. I think the "Better Marriage" advise is don't stuff your hurt. Well, that only works if you are married to someone else. I should have known better. We've discussed my husband's RCD before. (isn't it funny that I first shared our struggle with his RCD on my birthday 2 years ago?) But I was weepy yesterday. We just had Christmas and he didn't surprise me with anything, not even something little in the stocking. Then yesterday I thought he would at least have a card or maybe offer to do dishes, watch the kids so I could take a bath....then I started dreaming and getting great expectations. The reality was....he went to breakfast with his mentor, came home to make supper (which was really nice of him), and after going back to the shop for away, came home "because he just couldn't stand it anymore, Arkansas was playing on TV against 4th ranked Oklahoma" and he really wanted to see the last of it. Now if any of you are words people, I'm sure you can relate to what I was thinking. How can someone remember when every game is on, carry a schedule in their wallet, yet not think to just pick up a stinkin card! This is where I should have stopped and counted my blessings rather than attending the one woman pity party. I should have just put on my "poor RCD'd Allen" glasses and a smile and went to bed. But nooooo....I felt the need to share rather than stuff, that I was a little hurt. That of course led to drama as "I'm sorry" is unpronounceable in Allen's vocabulary. So I slept in the recliner, used up my box of Kleenexes and have a crying hangover today. Should be a lovely anniversary supper out tomorrow.