I have the Perfect Child

Last night after our devotions we started prayer time and we've been talking about the ACTS of prayer. Adoration (I love you Lord because...) Confession (I'm sorry Lord for...) Thankgiving (Thank you Lord for...) Supplication/stuff (Please Lord...((others 1st then, then selves)).

They are really catching on but still ask sometime which order they are in. Gabby was praying and then asked, "What comes next?" I told her, "I'm sorry Lord for..." She starting shaking her head and waiving me on. "What comes after that? I was perfect today."

Hi, I'm Suzanne and I'm a AMCaholic.

What can I say? It's true. I usually look forward to my next fix. I watch the clock to get the kids fed so that by noon they will get to enjoy some outside playtime on the trampoline. And I can enjoy my little dark secret. I fix my lunch, grab my drink and once they are outside sneak into the front room. I find ways to justify it..."I'm eating lunch", "I'm just taking a little break", "I'm picking up the front room", "I'm clipping my coupons", "If it were a Prime time show, everyone would watch this". After all it really isn't my fault. My mom passed this disease onto me. Each day she would sew and the sewing machine was in the front room. As most of us with addictions, it isn't my fault, I place the blame on my mom. Often times my own kids have walked in on me to see their mom taking part in this. They even know the names of all some of them. I know I have a problem, but I'm not willing to give it up. If you took me for treatment I might go through the withdrawals, say everything they want to hear me to say and then take another hit the day I got home.

Wyatt fused during the night so I got up and made him a bottle then went in to get him and he was asleep again already. I decided to give him a couple of minutes to make sure he wasn't playing possum with me to just check back into my warm bed to have to get up again. So I checked my email. This was the email from a friend of mine. One of those friends that can be is on my list of intimating people with always a clean house and kids that mind:

"I just read that (101 things about me) on your blog. That was quite funny... so many things I never knew... that would explain why Gabby once told me a story that began with, "I was watching 'All My Children' and ....."

I knew I should have taken that off my list! I tossed and turned thinking how I could explain myself.

I don't get to watch All My Children everyday, although I would. I usually don't watch the entire 1 hour show which actually consists of about 30 minutes of advertising. I have been able to wean myself down to watching the 1st half and calling it good. I no longer schedule errands to make sure I'm home by noon. I also have stopped calling Allen to update him on Kendall, Josh or Ryan, after he got a little mad when I called him upset because Greenley left town. I still do get excited when I see one of my longtime friends, (yes I feel a special bond to these folks after all we have a lot in common...wealth, nannies, glamour, parties, the list goes on), on other shows. In fact, I'm sure I will be catching some of the Dancing with the Stars this season as Ryan (Cameron Mathison) will be one of the dancers, even though I previously thought the show was...well, just was not for me.

I looked up the stinkin 12 Steps to see if I could or was ready to move into a recovery phase:

The Twelve Steps
1. Admit we are powerless over All My Children—that our lives had become unmanageable. (I don't know about unmanageable, that's a little strong don't you think?!)

2. Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. (Check)

3. Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. (Check)

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. (I'm not feeling very comfortable with the way this is heading.

5. Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. (This is a lengthy process)

6. We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. (I think that of all my defects, that there are some quite a bit more sever that I'll need to specifically focus on before I get to this addiction)

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. (I do daily. However, He said that He made me the way I am and loves me for who I am and if it wasn't for Allen pointing out some of them, I'd think I'm pretty great. j/k)

8. Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. (So far I don't think I've harmed anyone by watching, but if I have let me know and I'll apologize).

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (Well, yeah that makes good sense)

10 Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. (note taken)

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out. (once again, this one is hitting a little too close for comfort and I'm just going to have to pretend now that I didn't read it, then be mad later when I try to watch my show that I'm feeling convicted!)

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to AMCoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (And failed)

The Dreaded Honey-Do list

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a honey do list for my honey. Although most of them turn into honey-don'ts. Poor Allen works so much that I'm sure against his better judgement, he broke down and got me my own cordless screwdriver/drill and drill bits, pliers, hammer...everything except a toolbox.

I cried at 1st when he was giving it to me. Mainly for selfish reasons. I looked up at him as a little child looks at her daddy and asked, "Does this mean you aren't going to help me and take care of me any more?" He said no of course that wasn't his intention, just trying to give me some freedom to accomplish some of those little things that have been on the list for a while that he knew I could do. I did feel very empowered to hang up some shelves, until I decided I also need a level, and some spackling and some more paint touching up.

I have to protect my thoughts a lot in this area on the days that he needs some rest, or just wants a day off. I think of that 4 page list of things I would like done around here, some of them that have been on there for 3 years now. Some of them things that I just don't know how to do and frankly get a little on my soap box thinking, "I'm already busy. I have 4 kids, homeschool, do his bookwork, keep house (not well admittedly), and rarely have time for myself. Why can't I just sit down at 6:30pm and watch TV the rest of the night? Why can't I sleep in til 10 am some mornings? Why do I have to feel guilty if I take some computer time? Or at least have a day off from having to be the one to get everyone ready for church?"

So I'm gradually learning and patiently waiting for such things as the child's red, green and blue ceiling fan to be taken down out of the kitchen and put up the new white fan. Waiting for the broken glass to be fixed in the window of Wyatt's room (yes we do own a glass shop). Waiting for the front door to be fixed which hasn't open in almost 2 years now. although it can convenient when the salesman and Jehovah Witnesses stop by as you yell through the door, "This door doesn't open!" Waiting for a new mirror to be cut for Makensie's vanity (did I mention we own a glass shop?). Waiting for the extra trampoline frame to be taken apart and done something with. Waiting for the garage to be cleaned out so that I can get to my deep freeze without climbing up and over things like the extra 2 toilets that need to replace the ones in the house, the broken fan that someone "just needs a little work", the 3 extra desks that "just need a new leg", the streetlight that always makes me ask "WHY?!". Waiting for the barbie house that "can be made better and cheaper than that" to get made. Waiting for the chandelier to be hung in the dining room. Waiting for the screen door to be put back on the side door.

Now I know that sex works wonders towards having more leverage in pleading for those tasks to be done, but I'm a tired woman and I don't know if I have what it takes to get these and all the many others left on the list completed. I am seriously thinking I need my own wife.

Homemade Baby Wipes

Well Amy since you asked...

I have made my own baby wipes and baby food for each of my kiddos and my kids have only had 1 or 2 diaper rashes ever.

I use Bounty towels that have the smaller towels perforated. Cut in half lengthwise so that you have 2 rolls that are 1/2 as tall. Pull out the cardboard center. Place one of your rolls in a plastic container, Rubbermaid had one that fit perfectly. Mix: 2 cups warm water, 1 TB baby wash, 1 TB baby oil then pour evenly over the tops of the towels. Pull up the inside one first and there you have it. Make sure to keep the lid on as they dry out quickly...however they can just be rewet. It's kinda bulky so I still have a small container in my purse to carry the store bought ones when I'm out and about. I have no idea how much money this has saved.

Baby Food - I love the book, Super Baby Food. It breaks down month by month how much to feed your baby and which foods to introduce that month etc. The first few months the foods need to be cooked or easily mashable, mix with some water or formula if needed to get to the right consistency. I use my hand blender for shakes. Pour into ice cube trays, pop out when frozen and put in freezer bags. When feeding defrost a couple of cubes, mix and match flavors and it is easy. I just did avacados. Bought a large one for $1.29 mix it up with nothing added and it filled 2 ice cube trays.

These are a few of my favorite things.

Slacker me

Since I started blogging my actual journaling has been put on the back burner. I used to write in one of my journals daily. I have one for each of the kids, Allen and myself (one good and one that should just be thrown away if I die!) So I pulled out Allen's to write to him last night and discovered it had been almost a year! What?! How did that happen? I have been printing off some of my blog entries, but not all of them, so I think I'll have to make sure to do that and put them in with the appropriate journals. I also have a dream of building homemaking journals for each of my girls in the form of a scrapbook with everything from our daily schedule, our favorite recipes, how I do our laundry, our chores and how we do them, crafts they are learning, picture of them cooking and baking, how to make baby food and baby wipes...all that stuff that I do as a mom. I think life will be completely different for them by the time the are moms themselves and will be great fun for them to look back and remember and laugh.

Heartache in Hillbilly Hell

This post is a little bit of ranting and a little bit of me being completely baffled!


I don't even know where to start other than to say that Allen's dad is the hillbilly I'm referring to. I lost all patience with this man long ago and after this weekend Allen seems to have lost all hope.

I know the verses of love your neighbor as yourself, I know Jesus was a friend to the sinners and I know we are to honor and love our parents. However, what is new to me...or at least since I met Allen, is alcoholism. Allen's dad is an alcoholic. He is up to consuming a case and a half of beer a day. And in the past 2 months all the trouble and soap opera drama he normally caused once a month is now almost on a nightly basis. He is becoming more violent and acts just like a child. We went over to his birthday...an hour away for supper...not because he was Allen's dad and we wanted to spend the evening with him...but because if we didn't, he would whine around, feel sorry for himself and bring it up that we didn't come over for the next 6 months and quite possibly throw a fit and break out some more windows or kick in a door making life more miserable than it already is for Allen's mom.


We've asked Allen's mom to move in with us, however she fears this would make the situation worse and put us in harms way. I guess there are more kids that have to deal with this than what I can even imagine. I have heard this is an actual disease...I don't know how I feel about that either. How can a parent put his kids in a situation that daily they wonder if he made it through the night after all the threats, or even worse, if he did decide to end it all that he would take their mom down with him?!


I have sat and cried with his mom...only briefly...because it was extremely hard for her to even open up. I always try to hug her when I go over, and after all these years it is still awkward, but I'm bound determined to love on her. What kind of life has he stolen from his family? He has a wife that he hasn't taken out on a date for decades because HE doesn't like to, he likes her cookin. He has boys that don't want to come around for fear of how he'll act, grandkids that don't' want to stay the night at their house. Allen's mom has said that the only thing she has for herself is that house and land and if she leaves, she'll have nothing. How sad is that for a reason your wife stays around. This is a dad that wants us to leave 1/2 of our deer if we use his shop to clean it. So what does Allen do? Instead of going to his dad's to share the excitement of the hunt, he heads on home and the kids and I have learned how to clean a deer. This is a dad that if we borrow his trailer he expects new tires on it when it comes home. This is only a tip of the iceberg. I mean crazy things that I wouldn't expect of friends, let alone from a father. He has wasted his adult life as a father and husband living only for himself. His wife is the one who tends the garden, mows the yard, yanks the toilet out and replaces the floor, changes the brakes on the car...everything... so he can tinker in his shop, get drunk and smoke cigars all night.

There are times I think Allen is too harsh on the kids, however in his mind and what he has known all his life, he's doing great. And he truly is. To look at Allen and his brothers, I just can't help but to wonder how they have turned out as well as they have. He has only raised his voice to me a couple of times and I deserved it. He always takes care of me and I feel so safe with him. He is fun and outgoing, I have never seen him drunk, he holds his tongue and never says anything intentionally to hurt me, he thinks I'm the most beautiful woman he knows.

I can certainly understand why their mom shuts down and doesn't build friendships with other ladies, why she has no hobbies for herself, why she doesn't dress very feminine. It has to be easier to shut down than to live feeling that pain daily. The pain of a husband that opening makes fun of your weight, your lack of beauty, hangs huge posters of swimsuit models in the garage like he's 17 and such a winner he'd actually have a chance with one of them. I'm thinking he's drank so much that Viagra wouldn't help him at this point.

I'm just completely lost as to what to do or what to say. What to do or say for Allen, for his mom. Is there anything that you can say? Will the damage that has been done ever be repaired? Mr. Hillbilly, doesn't want us talkin bout religion at his house. He yanked the phone out of the wall when Allen called to check on his mom. Allen went over and put in new shower doors for him at no cost this last week...even though his dad does the same line of work as Allen and could have done it himself. The deal was that if Allen put them in, his dad would help him move his shop this weekend. So the weekend came and went and no dad showed up. He didn't want to spend the gas money to come over, he wanted to save it for a hunting trip this fall. So since Allen didn't have enough manpower when they were trying to move some of the glass racks, one collapsed. Thankfully no one was hurt physically and it only cost about $500 to fix. The emotional damage that once again was released on Allen got me a little feisty.

So this is me venting. I think it best for me to avoid daddy dearest for awhile out of fear I might jump on his back and start a full fledged wrestlin match. Ok, so maybe not, but I really like to indulge in that vision. I know that all things happen for the good of those who call on His name. Jer 29:11. This is my life verse. I know that God has a plan for Allen, for Allen's mom, for Mr. Hillbilly himself. It's just right now we can't see how this is benefiting anyone and my wifely claws have came out. After all, it's ok for me to harass my honey, but someone else, especially someone who is suppose to be on the same side...watch out. whakaa.

Just Silly Random Sayings

In my earlier days when I worked at a night club, I had a pin on advertising "Tequilla Rose" liquor. Some guy says, "Tequilla Rose. I like your name." I decided right then that if I ever ended up needing a porn star name (let's pray not) that this will be my name.


While eating outside at Braums in the picnic area. I glanced over to see Gabby was on top of the table dancing like some girl on Soul Train...when did she see that?! and Makensie was taking pictures with her camera. Let's pray also that none of my children ever need a tag name.


Conversation with Gabby over last set of shots:
her: Why do I have to have them?
me: to keep you from getting really sick and die or end up paralyzed.
her: What is paralyzed?
Me: when you can’t walk ever again and have to be in a wheel chair.
her: (silent thinking)
me: (silent pat on the back for the ultimate scare method approach)
her: ok, but will you push me in the wheel chair?


Brian didn't want to eat supper the other night because he thought it was "yucky". Allen tells him, "Son, I'm sorry, I have to eat yucky things all the time."


Makensie tells me last night, "mom, even though there are better moms out there, you're the best mom for me." Ahhh thanks...wait...thanks, I think?


Brian asked me, "What will happen if I escape from Jail?" Why? What do you have planned for today my precious son?


Wyatt was sleeping peacefully in the swing for a nap, however his head was slumped over to the side. I started towards him and Brian came up and says, "ooooh" in the sweetest little concerned brother voice and walked towards the swing. I decided to let Brian set Wyatt's head up because I thought that was his intention. However, Brian walks up and then screams, "RRRRRRaaahh" as loud as any 4 year old can, then starts hysterically laughing at how much Wyatt jumped. Now I'm understanding the jail question.